If I had a million dollars
   If I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you a house
   I would buy you a house
And if I had a million dollars
   If I had a million dollars
I would buy you furniture for your house
   maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman.
And if I had a million dollars
   if I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you a K-Car
    a nice Reliant automobile
And if I had a million dollars
   I'd buy your love

If I had a million dollars
   I'd build a tree fort in our yard.
If I had a million dollars
   you could help; it wouldn't be that hard
If I had a million dollars
   maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there, somewhere
   We could just go up there and, and hang out
   Like, open the fridge and stuff and, there would be foods laid out for us with
   little pre-wrapped sausages and things...
   Ummm...
   They have pre-wrapped sausages, but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon.
   Well, can you blame 'em?
   yeah!

If I had a million dollars
   if I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you a fur coat
   but not a real fur coat -- that's cruel!
And if I had a million dollars
   if I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you an exotic pet
   yep, like a llama or an emu
And if I had a million dollars
   if I had a million dollars
Well, I'd buy you John Merrick's remains
   oh all them crazy elephant bones
And if I had a million dollars
   I'd buy your love.